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mark_asphodelI feel kinda bad doing this, but it needed to be done for the sake of purging my soul.
Note: These stories are M-rated. NSFW. Got it?
I first encountered the works of Peder Andersson via "Lilac Embrace," an M-rated Marth/Caeda piece set after the wars. I got the feeling he meant well but something about it just kind of squicked me. Peder Andersson is from Sweden, and his English is just quirky enough that some things are... awkward. I mean, the opening sentence of "Lilac Embrace" includes the phrase "odour of night," and even though Marth and Caeda are legal by this point in the chronology, I just felt kind of creeped out. I'm glad he tried a positive M/C piece, but I can't say I enjoyed it, and I only finished two of its three chapters.
Then we have "Radiant Romance: The Lover," the sole Finn/Lachesis M-rated piece on FFNet. I didn't like it any better.
For one, it's set in Gran Year 757. Performing some quick and easy math, we determine our protagonists are... fifteen. Dude, there is plenty, and I mean plenty of time to write yourself some Finn/Lachy naughty stuff when they're both legal in most industrialized nations. This relationship arguably went on for years. But this is a "first time" story, so instead of even getting a steamy manga-inspired Silesian Farewell or whatever, we get fifteen-year olds. So we have two damn kids pretending to be sophisticated adults, spouting stylized "romantic" dialogue at one another over glasses of wine. It's not funny or fun, and we know from Lachy's conversation with Dew in FE4 that she likes herself a good time. Well, this is ain't a good time with the shota thief.
I think what creeps me out the most is the part where Finn uses the woefully anachronistic phrase "my bad," because it makes me think the author has actually read the English translation of "Lenster's Fall" and therefore ought to know how these two characters actually speak at one another. There are a couple of cute little world-building and characterization details in here (the author is nothing if not sincere), but I'm not enjoying it because this is the least convincing teenaged romance short of Anakin Skywalker courting Padme in Attack of the Clones.
On the other hand this is set in the happy times before everything went to hell and so red X warning signs aren't flashing over the characters' heads. We do not see Finn engaging in any of the following:
Having conversations with dead people X
Going into spasms of hysterical, uncontrolled laughter X
Attempting to end the spiraling misery of his life via "noble sacrifice" X X X
And Lachy isn't lusting transparently after Lord Brother. X X
So I guess it's good that, if "Lenster's Fall" did have any influence on this romance, it was entirely superficial and limited to filler phrases. The original stuff the author brings to the table isn't any better for gettin' in the mood, though, because after a reasonably in-character opening exchange between Cuan and Finn in which Cuan gives his sidekick the night off, it's all downhill. Our lovers dress up nice, have a dinner featuring chocolate, strawberries, and wine, and talk to each other like robots whose language programs spit out a combination of Romeo and Juliet and historical romance novels. Then, drunk on wine, they have an awkward fumbling, giggly tumble. Oh, sorry, my bad. They have three brief paragraphs of perfect first-time s-e-x. Just like real fifteen-year-olds. Oh, WAIT.
Also, when Cuan told Finn to enjoy his night off, I'n not entirely sure that was giving the kid carte blanche to deflower and possibly knock up the princess of an allied nation. Or maybe it was; Cuan's ethically suspect enough that it's hard to tell either way.
Again, it's a deeply sincere piece that just made me squirm for all the wrong reasons. I can't recommend it as badfic because laughing at it feels unkind, and I sure can't recommend it as good 'fic or good smut.
Note: These stories are M-rated. NSFW. Got it?
I first encountered the works of Peder Andersson via "Lilac Embrace," an M-rated Marth/Caeda piece set after the wars. I got the feeling he meant well but something about it just kind of squicked me. Peder Andersson is from Sweden, and his English is just quirky enough that some things are... awkward. I mean, the opening sentence of "Lilac Embrace" includes the phrase "odour of night," and even though Marth and Caeda are legal by this point in the chronology, I just felt kind of creeped out. I'm glad he tried a positive M/C piece, but I can't say I enjoyed it, and I only finished two of its three chapters.
Then we have "Radiant Romance: The Lover," the sole Finn/Lachesis M-rated piece on FFNet. I didn't like it any better.
For one, it's set in Gran Year 757. Performing some quick and easy math, we determine our protagonists are... fifteen. Dude, there is plenty, and I mean plenty of time to write yourself some Finn/Lachy naughty stuff when they're both legal in most industrialized nations. This relationship arguably went on for years. But this is a "first time" story, so instead of even getting a steamy manga-inspired Silesian Farewell or whatever, we get fifteen-year olds. So we have two damn kids pretending to be sophisticated adults, spouting stylized "romantic" dialogue at one another over glasses of wine. It's not funny or fun, and we know from Lachy's conversation with Dew in FE4 that she likes herself a good time. Well, this is ain't a good time with the shota thief.
I think what creeps me out the most is the part where Finn uses the woefully anachronistic phrase "my bad," because it makes me think the author has actually read the English translation of "Lenster's Fall" and therefore ought to know how these two characters actually speak at one another. There are a couple of cute little world-building and characterization details in here (the author is nothing if not sincere), but I'm not enjoying it because this is the least convincing teenaged romance short of Anakin Skywalker courting Padme in Attack of the Clones.
On the other hand this is set in the happy times before everything went to hell and so red X warning signs aren't flashing over the characters' heads. We do not see Finn engaging in any of the following:
Having conversations with dead people X
Going into spasms of hysterical, uncontrolled laughter X
Attempting to end the spiraling misery of his life via "noble sacrifice" X X X
So I guess it's good that, if "Lenster's Fall" did have any influence on this romance, it was entirely superficial and limited to filler phrases. The original stuff the author brings to the table isn't any better for gettin' in the mood, though, because after a reasonably in-character opening exchange between Cuan and Finn in which Cuan gives his sidekick the night off, it's all downhill. Our lovers dress up nice, have a dinner featuring chocolate, strawberries, and wine, and talk to each other like robots whose language programs spit out a combination of Romeo and Juliet and historical romance novels. Then, drunk on wine, they have an awkward fumbling, giggly tumble. Oh, sorry, my bad. They have three brief paragraphs of perfect first-time s-e-x. Just like real fifteen-year-olds. Oh, WAIT.
Also, when Cuan told Finn to enjoy his night off, I'n not entirely sure that was giving the kid carte blanche to deflower and possibly knock up the princess of an allied nation. Or maybe it was; Cuan's ethically suspect enough that it's hard to tell either way.
Again, it's a deeply sincere piece that just made me squirm for all the wrong reasons. I can't recommend it as badfic because laughing at it feels unkind, and I sure can't recommend it as good 'fic or good smut.
no subject
Date: 2012-09-08 02:00 pm (UTC)And I'm only about one-third of the way into the Fin/Lachesis one and I'm already rather creeped out by it. Given that, I can't say I blame your observations. :D;
no subject
Date: 2012-09-09 03:31 am (UTC)It's like he understands principles of writing in terms of engaging all the senses and such, but just can't make it work in the actual words he employs and things end up icky.