Dear Walhart

[mark_asphodel]

Walhart, "The Conquerer"
Outrealm 
Wherever

Dear sir,

Your application for "Worst Fire Emblem Father Ever" has been received and processed.  While our committemen were impressed by your qualifications, particularly your open contempt for and mostly sincere threats toward your son Morgan, the head of our Research Committee has determined that you are, technically, a villain in the Ylisse saga and only owe your status as a playable character to something known as a Spotpass Paralogue.  The committee head claims that this Paralogue is "Like the Lagdou Ruins only even more ridiculous."  In light of the uncertain status of this Paralogue we must rule you an antagonist/NPC and decline your application, though we do recommend that you look into our auxiliary organization, the Ashnard Memorial Society.  

Our committeemen were also concerned by your claim that your heart is not actually beating, but being technically dead is not against our by-laws and the application was not rejected on those grounds.  If you believe your application has been rejected unfairly, you are welcome to appeal the decision.  Please send your appeals petition and a self-addressed and stamped letter to our office within the next twenty days and allow three years for a ruling.  

Regards,
 
Lewyn the Bard
President and Founding Member, Bad Dads of Fire Emblem

PS: Responses to this rejection that include threats of violence and/or subjugation will not be tolerated.
PPS: Seriously, the Ashnard Memorial Society is more your speed.
PPPS: Seek help.

Comments

[jsnd]

But Lewyn is also "technically dead"....

[mark_asphodel]

That's why it's not against the by-laws. :D

Doesn't mean it doesn't bother people.

[jsnd]

The idea that the villain can survive and get away with it is stupid in general

And yeah, Emmeryn count on this note despite not being a villain

Sacrifice my ass

[mark_asphodel]

Yes.

But it was stupid when they let Michalis off the hook, too.

This, however, is worse.

[jsnd]

Whelp must see how terrible it is
Also Jugdral seems to be the grand champion of this thing, what with Finn, Lewyn, and Manfloy around

[mark_asphodel]

Hey hey, nobody wants to hang out with Manfroy. Dude killed his son-in-law just because and potentially turns his only grandchild into a Dark Warlord. All Lewyn did was abandon his sick wife to die when he was the only one who could save her. Not even close, man.

[amielleon]

Hahahaha.

Now I'm curious if this is in response to anything.

[mark_asphodel]

Someone on GameFaqs posted selections from the Walhart/Morgan supports today. I went and looked them up and the charming excerpts aren't much better in context. I think they're only tolerable because Morgan is such a damn space case.

[amielleon]

Personally I find Walhart's brand of humor easy-ish to not-take-seriously and digest as situational humor with a comedic villain. Though obviously YMMV.

[mark_asphodel]

Actually, the things I like least about Walhart have nothing to do with Morgan.

1) Goes through the Outrealm and conquers another world. Lovely. Wasn't funny when undead Michalis did it either.
2) The vegetarian thing. Oh, joy... are we seriously referencing Pop Culture Hitler now?

[samuraiter]

Walhart: "...."
Robin (F): "What do you think?"
Walhart: "I'm going to go conquer my own disappointment."

[mark_asphodel]

/snerk

Good one.

[the_geek]

Can't exactly be a very big club if Villains aren't allowed. The only non-villain bad dad I can think of would be Zephiel's-dad-whose-name-I-can't-remember.

[mark_asphodel]

Hahah. It's kind of an in-joke between me and my friends here regarding Shitty Jugdral Parenting. Lewyn is our usual (and deserved) whipping boy but we'll take a brickbat to Finn when we're feeling churlish.

[swanchika]

The whole Gen1 cast counts, on a macro level, doesn't it ? Not only do they follow Sigurd in his misguided campaign while not bothering to use contraception of any kind, they also die (or disappear) early and leave the world in shambles for their children to restore.

(Also, the SpotPass Paralogues is pretty much the only thing I made sure to never mention with my sisters - my FE13 testers. Let's see how they will react in a matter of weeks when they'll see them.)

[mark_asphodel]

Not only do they follow Sigurd in his misguided campaign while not bothering to use contraception of any kind, they also die (or disappear) early and leave the world in shambles for their children to restore.

Actually given that all the ladies only managed 1-2 pregnancies apiece they might've BEEN using contraception. @_@

But, yes. Really, they all do.

[jsnd]

To be perfectly fair, the Gen 1 cast did not exactly has a chance to show their shitty parenting, even Sigurd(you can argue for Cuan and Ethlin for leaving Leif with his playmate and Altenna without his "favorite toy" back in Lenster though). Meanwhile the "lolsety" Levin is shown to be a terrible(canon) daddy while "man with no emotion" Finn is a much worse parents than..... Trabant

Also theres Elbert from FE7

[mark_asphodel]

even Sigurd

I'd give Sigurd props for knowing when to fold 'em and sending Seliph off with Oifaye 'n' Shanan. And I don't give Sigurd credit for much.

Though I should really give him another demerit for leaving Shanan in charge during Chapter 3. >_>

Levin is shown to be a terrible(canon) daddy

Yeah, any wiggle room you can give Lewyn for not being terrible towards Leen or Tiltyu goes away circa FE5 when the Fury pairing got canonized. The funny thing is, he was looking after Julia the entire time and apparently doing a decent job of it. Which brings us to...

while "man with no emotion" Finn is a much worse parents than..... Trabant

Aw c'mon. In Finn's defense, if you run with the "Lenster's Fall" scenario as what the game intended to show us, you have this twenty-year-old kid, buckling under the weight of his emotional problems and flirting with self-destructive thoughts, and he gets these two small children thrown at him with a "There's the rest of your life, buddy. Don't fuck it up." Under those constraints he did a pretty good job; Leif at least doesn't seem to have complaints about Finn as a substitute father-- what's clear is that Finn made an inadequate mother and the kids needed both.

(Yes, yes, stereotyped gender roles-- well, the game embraces such, so eh.)

Now if you paired him in FE4 and claim any of those kids except Nanna as his, then yes he's totally jaw-droppingly negligent -- or just completely unable/unwilling to deal with the situation when the kids turn up in Seliph's army. And in the case of the Tirnanog kids it defies credulity that he didn't know they existed; Raquesis went through there when she dropped off Delmud and had to have seen Larcei-Ulster and/or Lester-Lana. Fortunately FE5 doesn't ask us to deal with any of that as canon and just asks us to look at his relationship with Nanna.

Which, yeah, appears less functional than Travant's relationship with Altena. Add to that Nanna's admission that she spent a fair amount of her childhood as an angry little girl and it's clear there were problems that never got handled.