Notes and Errata of Mark of the Asphodel

Internet Test Kitchen: Scotchmallow Rolls

2013-03-31T15:55:03Z

As a California expat, I have a great affection for See's, the candy shop of my childhood. A visit to Newpark Mall in the early 1980s was never complete without a bag of Mint Krispys, a squarish chocolate lollipop, or a pink coconut bonbon. It took my childish palate a little longer to appreciate two of See's signature goodies, the sprinkle-laden Bordeaux and the Scotchmallow.

I remember when See's was pretty uncool; in the early 00s, some writer at Slate magazine did a review of internet mail-order chocolates and just slammed See's for being uninteresting goo. Fortunately people seem to have woken up and realized that just because a candy company isn't touting their use of Himalayan sea salt or ghost chiles or single-sourced rare strains of cacao beans doesn't mean they're not really fucking good at making candy. Scotchmallows in particular appear to have a bit of a cult following on various blogs, because they're the most freaking amazing combination of dense buttery butterscotch chewy stuff and honey-infused marshmallow fluff that ever met a coating of Guittard chocolate. Look, I order from that purple-box chick at Vosges a couple of times a year, too, but almost nobody makes old-school awesome shit like Scotchmallows anymore. And it's not even my favorite thing See's makes. It might not even be in the top ten. Hell, top twenty.

Which is why I never made this recipe until now. Seeing as I either have to buy a plane ticket or go mail-order to get myself a See's fix, I never really had much interest in getting an entire box of Scotchmallows just to get sixteen of them to cut up and bake. Also, refrigerated crescent rolls? Ewwww. Happily, at Eastertide See's markets a box containing six Scotchmallow eggs, which was a much easier thing to slip into my annual order of chocolate butter eggs and St. Patrick's Day Potatoes. One egg, divvied in half lengthwise, substitutes nicely for a single square Scotchmallow.

Anyway, I made this recipe pretty much to spec with the following changes:

I only used one can of dough and therefore made eight rolls.
Used four (4) Scotchmallow eggs and put two quarters of each egg in the crescent roll package.
I sprinkled mini silver dragees on top to be extra festive.

The results? They formed attractive golden-brown puffs in their little paper cups. I waited several minutes to sample one after taking them out of the oven because the idea of a streamer of superheated butterscotch-marshmallow goo hitting the roof of my mouth sounded like a really terrible idea. The first one I tried wasn't quite settled, and there was large pocket of air between the melted candy and the dough, but it was still very tasty. The second one cemented my belief that these are delicious. A once-a-year indulgence to be sure, but delicious.

And I don't recommend doing anything stupid like making your own croissant dough to make these "better," as really they're just fine as they are. If you encounter a Scotchmallow imitator made with, I don't know, fleur de sel scraped from the shores of Brittany by fifth-generation artisan salt collectors and lehua o'hia honey from the happiest bees living on the heights of Mauna Loa, by all means go crazy on the croissant dough. These are fine just as they are.

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The Taste of Nostalgia

2012-04-14T15:17:15Z

When I was growing up in California, we had a tangerine tree in the front yard. So I grew up with a plentiful supply of tree-ripe, fresh tangerines (and peaches, tomatoes, corn, artichokes, etc, etc). The tangerines were too ugly for the supermarket but were they ever delicious.

While this experience made the tangerine my favorite citrus fruit, actual supermarket tangerines have never matched the experience. Honey tangerines from Florida, those "Cutie" clementines that come in a blue box... good, but not quite what I want out of a tangerine. Then last week I found tiny, irregular "pixie" tangerines at the fruit market.

Wow. Wow. Yeah, that's how tangerines should taste. I ought to use these in that lemon bar recipe that Slate was pushing earlier this week.

-x-

About ten years ago... no, wait, it's been thirteen years now... I went with my Grandma to Hawai'i during my spring break. Grandma and I visited O'ahu, Kaua'i, and the Big Island. She fell in love with the Big Island, to the point where in '08, I made a pilgrimage there with my allotted portion of her ashes to make sure she'd stay there in her favorite place. But that's not what this is about.

Food fiend that I am, I came home with a jar of "rare Volcano Island white honey" from the kiawe tree. Now, the kiawe tree, also known as mesquite, is an introduced and rather invasive species on the islands, but aside from that annoying detail, Hawaiian kiawe honey is nothing like the mesquite honey you can buy in large jars at Trader Joe's. I have both on hand right now and they've nothing in common. Volcano Island honey is thick, cream-colored, translucent rather than transparent. And it's GOOD. I've had lots of Hawaiian honeys, including the highly-touted honey of the native lehua blosson, and this stuff is far and away the best. You just don't want to necessarily use it like you would the stuff in the bear bottle. Save it for your best homemade baked goods, or some premium ice cream... or eat it with a spoon.

And now Vosges chocolates is offering bite-sized doses of white honey in the form of truffles. Reader, I bought the nine-piece set. My most excellent spouse was a little miffed because he hates the combination of honey and chocolate (!) and wanted the bacon chocolate bars instead, but these things are possibly the best creation I've ever bought from Vosges.

But I bought these as well, and we'll just have to see if they measure up.

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WIP Update / Candy

2012-02-14T00:50:19Z

Yeah, I'll get to the top four characters on that meme sometime... soonish.

( Published WIP )

Anything not mentioned isn't discontinued, just on the back burner with minimal heat.

( Unpublished WIP )

-x-

Found something interesting in the candy aisle at Holiday Market yesterday: Bavarian Malt Candy. It's great; I like barley-sugar candy anyway, but this comes in nice irregular chunks instead of smooth lozenges and the taste is rich and a little smoky. Nice stuff.

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